Another day of disappointment.I’m used to being screwed these past 4 years,but these days,my threshold for disappointment has reached a new low.Maybe,it’s because pretty much everyone around me has a good day,while my days have been anything but…Maybe,it’s the fact that most of the time,victory seems to slip from my grasp ever so slightly….Maybe,it’s the fact that there aren’t many opportunities to prove myself,leading to my frustration….Maybe,it’s the fact that I’ve been disappointing my parents for a bloody long time….I can’t seem to nail it…….Sure,people around me say never to lose hope and work hard,but that has never worked for me.Period.
I’m ranting about my frustrations after a very long time.I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore.Every time I pull off some thing with utmost confidence,it backfires in the most spectacular way…Ok,that may be an exaggeration,but you get my point….Every time I hope that I might win,this could be it…I fail….So far,I could withstand it,saying I can do better next time…But I guess,I’ve reached my breaking point after a long time…The last time I felt like this was probably 5 years ago…All loss of hope…..Even during those times,I had a sliver of confidence that I might pull it off in the end…But now….No such thing…..
While I’ve been something of a pragmatist my whole life,even the most pessimistic person on the planet has a shard of hope present in him,even if he never owns up to that fact.All those failures can make you a hardened pessimist for life.And of course,inquisitive relatives and pissed off parents don’t help matters either..Well,their anger is justified.They did pay a king’s ransom to get me into college and I don’t have anything to show for it…Frustrated at my inability to make them proud and just earn my self some well deserved relief
Once again,I ask this,Is it so wrong to hope????Is to wrong to hope that you might pull this off?Is it wrong to hope that the world might finally give you a break?Is it wrong to hope that you might finally have an opportunity you deserve?Is it wrong to hope that this endeavour won’t blow up in your face?Is it wrong to hope that He might finally give me a break and say “Here,go on..Take this…You’ve earned it”?Is it so wrong??????
Maybe there will come a time where I will look back to those times and think “Man,those days really taught me something”.Maybe I will come out of this stronger and wiser than before.Maybe there will come a time where I will get my due.Maybe……
But,until that time comes,I guess I’m destined to do this dance with destiny for some time…I hope that I’ll get of it….Heh…Look at me…..Even after all those beat downs,I’m still hoping ,if not for the best,atleast for something that won’t screw me over…I guess that part of us humans never changes…Hoping for the worst to pass over…Maybe,there will be a day like that for me…..